Gray Clouds

I learned the saying when I was in 8th grade. It was Shadow Week and you could choose four careers you'd like to shadow. One of my chosen careers was Interior Design. I remember sitting in the plush chair, my foot nervously twitching, as I asked the required questions for my paper. One of the questions spurred the well dressed designer to sigh and cross his legs. He shook his head and so eloquently put it, "You learn something new everyday."

That saying definitely fit me the other day. I learned I hate leaving. I realize so much more is out there and incredible experiences are heading my way. Leaving my apartment of two years took every ounce of strength from me. It's not so much the place I'm leaving as the people and memories that I had there.

Coming home, I couldn't get the gray cloud above my head to quit raining. My two life lines, Meegan and Jessica, constantly reminded me of the great times that are coming my way, but my mind settled on the things I've left behind.

As I drove down the gravel driveway, I still had the gray cloud hovering. A few hours passed by with me unpacking, napping, and watching some t.v. when I finally decided to get up and actually move. I put on my shoes, grabbed my phone and headphones and walked straight out the door.

Although it was around 7, the heat was still going strong. Houston and Weston were already panting within the first two minutes of us being outside. I pulled up Pandora, plugged my earphones in, and started down the driveway.

I always seem to forget how gorgeous Mathews is. Living in the country definitely has its perks. I get to walk up and down my driveway (note: my driveway is about a mile long) and dance like crazy if I find the right song. I don't have to worry about the neighbors seeing me since I've got woods surrounding me. Plus, the view is just fantastic. Watching my mother's horses gallop around the field while geese land in our lake, I am completely blessed to call this home.

It's amazing how music can alter moods. Bring it up, mellow it out, release angry demons, whatever. For that time, I was able to dance my heart out while letting myself forget all my worries. It's in that moment that I felt so alive. I could do whatever I wanted. Sing at the top of my lungs, act like a fool, break into a full on sprint. I let go of my inhibitions and took off in a full speed ahead style. I felt my heart pumping, my breath quicken, and wind in my face. Weston kept with my pace, and it was then that I realized how lucky I was. I had the ability to do whatever I wanted, a beautiful place to call home, and a dog who didn't want to do anything else but keep by my side, no matter what pace I was at.

As I ran, I watched Weston's blond head bob, his infamous pink tongue flapping on the side of his mouth. I saw him measure my speed, altering his to match mine perfectly. If I sped up, he ran harder. If I fell into a jog, he lumbered at my pace. Such an incredible lab.

We slowly made our way back to the house, Houston and Weston bounding in front of me only to turn around to make sure I was there. We paused at the lake where I took in the sunset and the two dogs splashed into the lake, determined to cause mayhem in the peaceful water. I couldn't help but laugh at the scene. Houston, the swimmer, snorkeling and fishing with Weston, the goofball, standing on the edge of the lake barking orders to Houston. I finally convinced them to head home and all three of us walked back through the trees.

Afterward, I still felt as though I needed the country. It has such a therapeutic effect on me. So, I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

My favorite thing to do at home is drive with no destination. I roll down all my windows and blare, who else, but Frank Sinatra. (You knew that was coming, didn't you?) I don't care that my hair turns into a knotted nest or that it's so hot that I stick to the seat. I follow the country roads to nowhere. I love these roads. They're the kind without dotted lines telling me to stay in between mustard and mayonnaise (Meegs :) ). I get to see abandoned, empty houses and have to fight the urge to pull over just to explore. I get to look out my sunroof and see branches shadowing the road and clear skies paint an indescribable blue across my world.

I let the roads take me. I have no destination, no have-to moments. The world is wide open and I am free. I have no obligations and I have the opportunity to appreciate it with beautiful surroundings. I hear Frank croon, accompanied with incredible orchestrated melodies. My gray cloud that was lingering gave up and floated away. In that moment, I couldn't help but smile.

I guess my point of this entire soliloquy is this: Mathews helps me let go of my inhibitions, my worries and most importantly, my gray clouds.